Writer's Block Magazine

Recently, someone told me not to take things so seriously. They told me that it is not personal, and I’d like to discuss the concept of taking something too personally, or, even better, being too sensitive to a subject at hand. Because, let’s be honest, isn’t everything personal in one way or another? 

For one, life is personal because we experience it through the eyes of an individualized perspective. Everyone has a unique outlook on the world developed and adjusted based on the circumstances of their lives. Because no two lives are the same, we cannot determine whether something is offensive, funny, brutal, or delightful to another person. Referring to someone as too sensitive not only fails to extend compassion and is therefore inconsiderate, but it also assumes there is a single perspective on the matter at hand. It assumes, in other words, that one perspective is mistaken. Ironically, the perception of sensitivity is itself a matter of subjective perspective. The notion of something or someone being too much of something is itself subjective as it takes root in an opinion. It is in a sense an evaluation of the degree of sensitivity. This raises the question: isn’t any opinion built on the subjectivity of perspective? 

This subjectivity extends beyond perspectives—it also shapes our emotions. Another reason statements such as you’re taking X too personally are flawed, dare I say, is the fact that we are emotional beings. Shocker! As humans, we feel emotions in response to the world around us, which are complex and often not rooted in logic. These emotions are shaped by the circumstances of one’s individual life and are accordingly unique to everyone. Would it then be fair, or even accurate, to assert that any reaction is excessive, when one is unfamiliar with the underlying circumstances? Considering everyone experiences life through a unique set of rich, and at times incomprehensible, emotions, it seems to me that one cannot overreact. 

Everything is personal. The problem arises through an inability to empathize with others because one takes their own perspective to be objective truth. Meanwhile, these two perspectives on the same matter should coexist because they are both true to the people who hold them. What might be a solution then? How about we become curious about ourselves and others and begin to explore the origin and depth of these emotions? Instead of stubbornly asserting that someone takes everything too personally, consider the effect of reframing this closed mindset with curiosity: I’ve noticed this matter is a sensitive subject to you, would you like to explain what you feel? By replacing assumptions with curiosity, we can expand our perspective and build greater compassion.

My point is this: Life is subjective, and subjectivity is personal.

Written by Sofie Woetmann Fredeløkke 

Photo by Sofie Woetmann Fredeløkke